The Clueless American’s Guide to Carnival

(I had this post all written and ready to go in February — oops)

Very early on, I knew that moving to North Rhine Westphalia would mean that Carnival (or Karneval as ze Germans say) would be a big deal in my life.  However, Carnival remained this murky holiday that I knew was a big deal that I wanted to celebrate, but I really didn’t know what exactly that would mean or what it would entail.  I knew that people dressed up and drank a lot, there were parades, and it was at a Carnival party where Katharina Blum met a guy who turned out to be a bank robber or something like that in a Heinrich Boll novel I read for a German lit course once.  So, to shine a little more light on Carnival and also share my personal experiences, I will present it to you in a fun, FAQ fashion.

What exactly is Carnival?
Technically, it is a religious holiday which celebrates the beginning of Lent.  Think Mardi Gras, but in Germany it lasts a bit longer and might be even crazier (I haven’t experienced Mardi Gras in Louisiana, so I can’t give details).  In reality, it is a weekend-long (or longer) street party where people dress up in crazy costumes, sing ridiculous songs celebrating the Devil being out on the loose or simply the joys of their city during Carnival time.  There are no longer any rules, and apparently what happens at Carnival, stays at Carnival, never to be spoken of again.

When is it?
Here in NRW, Carnival officially kicks off in November, but no one really celebrates until Weiberfastnacht, which is the Thursday before Lent.  The celebration goes until Rosenmontag, the Monday before Ash Wednesday.  Although there are parades and events in between, Thursday and Monday are the two biggest days.  Weiberfastnacht celebrates LADIES (insert “woo”s here) and reminds us of a time when all the washerwomen were like, “Down with the patriarchy!  Men are oppressing us!” and decided to have a good time.  On this day, women can kiss whoever they please and if a man is wearing a tie, they can cut it right off.  Unfortunately I had to work on this day, so I missed the big cutting ties and kissing part, but we did make it to Dusseldorf for some of the street party that night.  Rosenmontag is a big parade day (the one in Cologne lasts 5 hours). In between parades have different themes (one very frightening, relating to the Devil being out and about, and others being about children or gay pride).

Where should I celebrate Carnival?
Cologne and Dusseldorf are the big two, but other cities like Mainz and Munich celebrate as well (although they call it Fasching in some places and the days are different).  As the name suggests, my state is divided into the Rhine region and Westphalia.  The Westphalians do not really celebrate AT ALL.  Most of my students and coworkers scoffed when I asked them about Carnival, saying it was too crazy and those Rhineland people are so emotional and over the top.  Which might be true, but trust me, there was not a big Carnival party in Bochum.

What do you do?
Dress up!  Dance!  Drink!  Sing!  Party!  Watch a parade! Say Alaaf or Hellau (depending on which city you’re in)!  Seriously, it’s mostly just going out, well-supplied with beer (this is Germany, so you can buy your own at the supermarket and then bring it into the festivities with you, carrying it around as you walk), and taking in all the costumes and sights and smells.  Most people also have parties in their own home or host private parties in bars that they frequent.  As we weren’t really in with anybody having one of those, we were relegated to the streets with the rest of the commoners, but it was still fun to run and jump around singing about whatever city we were in.  We also celebrated beforehand with champagne brunch (um, yum… and the leftovers made great train sustenance).

What’s the big deal?
Honestly, there are tons and tons of people wandering the streets of these cities, most of them extremely intoxicated and then later they all cram on the train, making things super hot and sweaty and sometimes vomity for you.  However, it was such a fun weekend!  Most of the teaching assistants from the region stayed around, and my friend Alex (my faithful readers will remember him from my Belgium adventures) came over for the weekend.  We all ate, drank, and were merry together.  I also got to meet up with my friend Emily, with whom I studied abroad in Holzkirchen and who’s now a teacher in Dusseldorf!  It’s really completely unlike anything else I’ve ever seen.  The parade was insane; the time and effort put into group costumes and wagons was ridiculous, and really the scale of the people consistently out was amazing.  While I don’t think I have the energy that would help me to enjoy it every year, I had a ton of fun and I’m glad I got the Carnival experience in big cities like Cologne and Dusseldorf!

The ETA gang at the Rosenmontag Parade in Cologne

Alex and I in Cologne on Saturday night – please appreciate the awesome Primark onesies

Carnival parade floats are usually themed based around social or political commentary. This one was a critique on how we use social media.

Here’s a politically-themed float. It’s called the “Putinator”.

Prime parade spot. These guys had a party in their apartment, and then watched the parade from their windows.

These cuties were standing across from us during the parade. The bags are for the candy and flowers that get thrown at you during the parade!

Christmas in Germany

So, I didn’t actually spend Christmas in Germany.  I spent most of Christmas break back with my family in Arkansas – eating lots of yummy food, watching sports at normal hours, and spending lots of time with family and friends.  It was awesome and perfect — I had a great time but was also really excited to come back to Germany to continue my adventures!

I did, however, spend a lot of the Christmas season in Germany, and that meant CHRISTMAS MARKETS!  I love Christmas markets and I don’t understand why they’re not everywhere.  The atmosphere is super festive, you can find all sorts of gifts for people, but most importantly there is tons of quick, cheap, and delicious street food everywhere you turn (anyone surprised that that’s what I love about these things?!?  But honestly, it was super convenient when I needed food on the run).  Oh, and there’s gluhwein (mulled wine), which comes in cool, kitschy cups specific to each city, or sometimes the specific gluhwein stand.

I spent a lot of time at Christmas markets.  Luckily for me, I have a semester ticket and live in the Ruhrgebiet, so there are a ton of Christmas markets all around me that I could get to for free.  As an added bonus, my friend Elise came to visit one weekend, and we spent it travelling all up and down western Germany and visited a ton of markets. (also shoutout to Elise for letting me drag her across the country on trains. She’s awesome.)

So, for you all I have prepared a ranked list of the Christmas markets that I visited this season, ranked from worst to best (based exclusively on my own personal experiences).  If you’d like another perspective, my friend and fellow TA from Britain Jamie created this list of his top five Christmas markets.  Anyway, here’s my ranking of German Christmas markets!

14. Herne
Oh, Herne.  Sweet, sweet, baby Herne.  This was definitely the most disappointing of all Christmas markets.  There was a very sad tree and some stalls in the Stadtmitte (center of town), and that was really about it.  It was so depressing and sad, all Jess and I could do was laugh and then get on the metro to Bochum.  I got currywurst at a stand there one day for lunch and immediately regretted it. (Also, nothing at the castle?  Really, guys?)

13. Hattingen
Hattingen is a super cute town and I had much higher expectations for the Christmas market than what I actually got.  Granted, their streets are steep and winding, and there weren’t too many squares for big congregating, but there really wasn’t that much on offer at the stalls they did have.  There was a French section which looked to offer tasty treats, but when we were there not a lot was open.  Bummer.  There was also a sweet older lady who would sing a song and open a door to the advent calendar every day, but unfortunately they also missed that.  AND apparently there was no deposit on gluhwein mugs.  Obviously I did Hattingen all wrong.

12. Burg Satzvey
Christmas markets at castles are cool because castles.  However, this market was very small, but you had to pay just to enter, and that entrance fee didn’t include the castle.  So that sucked.  However, they did have a living nativity that involved some Old German and Latin, and their gluhwein did not mess around.

Burg Satzvey! Looking festive.

11. Heidelberg Castle
Ok, so it sucks that this made it so low on the list.  This was one of the stops on mine and Elise’s whirlwind Weihnachtsmarkt tour, so we didn’t have a lot of time in Heidelberg, and we got to the market before any of the stalls really opened up.  We got to poke around the castle a little bit, and it offered great views of the city, but the market itself was underwhelming, although the Hot Hugo cocktail was delicious and the food offerings were pretty good.  I wish we’d gotten to see more of the city and explore Heidelberg’s markets, but this unfortunately did not occur.

Heidelberg Castle

10. Karlsruhe
This one was an out-of-the-blue surprise.  I’ve mostly considered Karlsruhe a place where I make train connections, so my expectations were kind of low.  However, Karlsruhe had a decent size market and good gluhwein (and cute mugs).  Good job, Karlsruhe, you exceeded my expectations!

9. Dortmund
Dortmund had a huge Christmas market, and the self-proclaimed hugest Christmas tree in the whole world (it’s actually a bunch of Christmas trees stacked on top of each other).  My main beef with Dortmund was that much of the stands were the same. I had a amazing pork chop sandwich there. Also I watched a cover band perform corny German Christmas songs and the classic “Atemlos durch die Nacht” – an elderly couple fell down while dancing to this and it was mortifying to watch (they were fine so it’s fine to laugh about it now, right?). They also get props for their gluhwein mugs.

8. Essen
Essen is known as the “Einkaufstadt” (shopping city), and that was reflected in their market.  They also have an annual light festival that coincides with the market, so it was all lit up and quite lovely.  Their gluhwein was tasty, they had a giant ferris wheel, and when I went there on my birthday my awesome friends bought me a gingerbread heart.  Good memories, good market.

7. Strasbourg
What? Strasbourg the “Capital of Christmas” doesn’t even get in the top five?  Yeah, there’s a reason for that.  Strasbourg’s Christmas market is a bunch of themed Christmas markets spread throughout the city. All kinds of food, all kinds of stuff to buy, all kinds of PEOPLE.  That’s the curse of a great Christmas market, there were thousands of people everywhere.  I would much rather visit a smaller market with less people than push through the crowds (and wait a super long time on flammkuchen – although it was delicious!). Also, they didn’t even have mugs for their gluhwein, it came in plastic cups (who does that!?!?).  However, the light displays were ah-mazing, the city was beautiful, and I am happy that I went.  Also, it was a reunion with my friend Lisa, who I went to Lille with last October.

6. Munster
I think circumstances probably bias this one as well – getting to Munster our train was delayed by AN HOUR, which sucked, and the weather was truly terrible, which quite literally dampened our spirits.  However, the market was big and showed off their beautiful church.  Just as much as my frozen fingers and toes, however, I remember a seriously delicious champagne waffle.  Noms. Again, if I had gone there when it was drier and warmer, I think I would’ve loved this a lot more!

Champagne waffle, y’all

5. Bochum
Did you expect Bochum to be so high on the list?  Maybe it’s some hometown pride, maybe it’s the fact that I spent a lot of time there… But it was really good!  So much food!  So much currywurst! A medieval corner with honey! Very strange gluhwein mugs (they had coal on them, typical)!  Really, what more could you want?

4. Dusseldorf
It was like Strasbourg, but without all the people.  And gluhwein happy hours.  Need I say more?

3. Cologne
Absolutely beautiful market just beneath the Cologne cathedral. They had really good stollen, salami, and spaeztle. Also a ton of ornaments. Gluhwein was also tops.  I tried gluhbier (mulled beer) here!  It was so weird.  Gluhwein is better.  Don’t try gluhbier.

2. Mainz
Mainz blew me away!  It was on our way from Cologne to Heidelberg.  I texted my fellow Fulbright friend Laura, so she met Elise and I at the train station and showed us around.  It was huge, surrounding their beautiful cathedral.  Their food was amazing. If you’re going to do German Christmas markets, definitely put Mainz on your list.

1. Aachen
And the winner is… Aachen!  It was also surrounding their beautiful cathedral.  Their stands were unique and there were a ton of them.  Also the market had free wifi!  So you can Instagram it and easily google map your way back to the train station.  Thanks Aachen, for being so cool.

I also used my Aachen visit to tour the cathedral and see Charlemagne’s bones. The church is gorgeous!

Important to note – I had gluhwein at Potsdamer Platz in Berlin and St. Pauli in Hamburg before their Christmas markets geared up. St. Pauli is… interesting… but their gluhwein was some of the best I had all season!